Because I've Been There ...

In the not so distant past I was in a funk. I suffered from anxiety which resulted in paranoia and simply strange behavior. I'm sure a lot of it was due to my hormonal state. Just to give you an idea, in the last 11 1/2 years I've either been pregnant or nursing a child for all but 8 months. I don't even know what normal looks like anymore. 

I was overwhelmed. Like big time. Even the simplest daily tasks were totally overwhelming to me. And dealing with people, forget about it. 

Most days I felt like I was drowning in life. Every so often, I'd come up for small gasps of air but as soon as I was up, I was pushed back down into this swirling abyss that I did not have the strength or energy to pull myself out of. So many times I thought, Why doesn't someone help me, throw me a life preserver, pull me out? Doesn't anyone see that I'm drowning? Doesn't anyone care?

I later realized that no one could help because they didn't even know what was going on. And also, no person is really equipped to save someone from what is in their head. 

Thankfully, God is healing these things in me like only He can. 

But if I've ever offended you or puzzled you with my behavior, please know that it was never about you. I was the one with the problem and I didn't have any idea how to handle it. 

I say all of this to first of all explain myself. I know there were years where I was simply not myself. I had lost myself and for the life of me, couldn't find the real me again. I hated the person I had become but it was the only way I could deal with life. 

Avoidance. The best way I could cope was simply by avoidance. 

I couldn't handle the clutter in my house, I avoided it. (In which, the clutter grew.) 

I couldn't deal with people, so I avoided them. (Yep, relationships suffered.) 

I couldn't deal with the pregnancy pounds and clothes not fitting and I avoided taking care of myself. (it definitely took a toll on my body.) 

Avoidance was the key to keeping me out of the insane asylum but it literally destroyed my life.

I'm working very hard at cleaning up the messes in my life. I still get overwhelmed at times but I'm working through it with God's help. It's going to be a slow process but so worthwhile in the end.

Another reason I tell you this is in case you are dealing with the same thing right now. If you are feeling hopeless or overwhelmed beyond belief, please feel like you can come to me and confide in me. I've been there. There are still days I feel like I'm headed back there but God is faithful and able. There probably won't be much I can do but I'll do all I can and I'll pray for you - that's everything right there. You do not have to go through this alone. You are not ever alone (God is there), but I know it feels like it sometimes.    

And lastly, if you have a friend or acquaintance that just doesn't seem herself, invite her for coffee or lunch. Maybe she's just having a bad day or week or maybe it's something bigger. Don't feel like you need to solve all of her problems because you can't. Do what you can to encourage her.  Feeling like you have a friend or ally there for you can really help when you are feeling hopeless. 

If nothing else, pray for her. Prayer is the easiest thing you can do for someone and it is often the most overlooked. God hears our prayers. 

I'm sure there were people praying for me. I can't explain any other reason for why my life is experiencing such a turnaround. When you are overwhelmed, even praying can be too much to handle.

I don't know why we go through the things we do but I do know that we can use those situations and what we've learned to help others. I feel compassion for people struggling with things I struggle or have struggled with. I know what it's like. I pray God is able to use me to help others like me. 

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."  Genesis 50:20 NIV