The Perfect Mom

On Being the Perfect Mom
August 3, 2011
Chosenfamilies.org
 
A little over three years ago, Ben’s seizures started escalating.  “A seizure is a sudden surge of electrical activity in the brain that usually affects how a person feels or acts for a short time” (epilepsy.com).  Ben began having seizures monthly, then weekly, eventually ending up where he would experience multiple seizures each day.
Ben spent several years experimenting with new medication, side effects, and an ever increasing battery of hospitalizations and medical tests.  I felt like I was measuring my weeks in doctors’ appointments and lab tests, continually relying on a handful of friends and babysitters to watch my three children.
One day I was talking with a friend whose husband was also struggling with serious illness.  We started discussing all of the ways that we have “cut corners” as moms because our energies are so focused on our husbands.
“If life were different, we would …”
watch less TV.
eat less fast food.
have playdates at our house more often.
supervise our kids’ homework more closely.
have family devotions every day … or at least every week!
The list went on and on as we each talked about what it would look like in our homes if we were the Perfect Moms.  We commiserated and laughed together, sharing an understanding that many women might not otherwise have.
Looking back, I think we missed the point.  The truth is, we are the perfect moms for our children.  We are parenting in the best possible way for the children that God has given us.  Ben’s disability affects our entire family.  The corners we cut and the accommodations we make are not God’s second best for us.  These adjustments actually help our family not only to survive but to thrive.  Eating fast food after a long day of dealing with unexpected seizures or watching TV together because Daddy and Mommy are too tired to play a game … these activities are not necessarily sin, or even second best.  They are what our family needs to do to lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and to run with endurance the race that is set before us.
God has given our children a front row seat to His sanctification process in our lives.  He graciously allows our children to watch us trust Him in the midst of difficulty and pain.   In many ways, our children are learning about God much like Job:  I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you. If our challenges bring us closer to God, then we are truly the perfect moms for our children.
~ Nancy

This post is written by a woman whose husband had a brain injury and lost his short term memory and struggles with seizures. This family deals with a lot! 

After reading her post, though, I realized that all families have struggles and challenges at different levels. We may not all face the same ones but they are there. They may not be obvious to an outside person but it does not mean that we don't struggle with them.  I could definitely relate to  her list of "If life were different" things. 
 
I thought this was a great post for any mom no matter what she is dealing with. We all get caught up in the way we think a "perfect mom" should be (I know I do) and don't realize that we are the perfect mom for our children. God planned it that way. I would not be the right mom for your children and I'm sure you would not be the right mom for mine.
 
Be the best mom YOU can be. That's all God is asking of us.

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 "The purpose of ChosenFamilies.org is for families living with hidden disabilities to be fully incorporated into the body of Christ. Our mission is to provide resources, connections and encouragement to families with hidden disabilities and to educate and provide resources to religious leaders as they minister to families with these needs.  ChosenFamilies.org is a community where people can exchange creative ideas to meet the challenges of living and prospering within a family with special needs.  We will endeavor to inform, educate, inspire, motivate, and encourage families and churches in this vitally important mission."

Shannon Royce explains,

"As a mom of a child who has been diagnosed with a hidden disability, I know the challenges our families face. These hidden disabilities — Anxiety, Asperger, ADHD, Autism, Bipolar disorder, Depression, Learning disabilities, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Tourette syndrome, and others — are neurological disorders that affect every area of a child’s and a family’s life."