Today was day 3 of summer school. Two of my kiddos are going to summer school this year. I know there are opposing views toward it - as in, let kids have a carefree summer opposed to daily structure. Sometimes I feel conflicted about it myself but ultimately I know that it really is what is best for our family. It helps to break up our day and gets us going in the morning - and the separation of siblings for a couple of hours doesn't hurt either.
My daughter is taking 2 fun classes and my son is taking one fun class along with a reading class to help him strengthen up his skills. My daughter is very social and has been enjoying herself these last few days. My son, not so much. He is very sensitive and shy and school is probably not on his top 100 favorite things list. Both days so far he has told me that he has cried at some point during each of his classes. Not what you want to hear as a mom. But I know that not only will this experience help him work on his reading skills, it will help him with his life skills (being exposed to new situations, enforcing some independence, doing things outside of his comfort zone).
The first day I walked in with them and helped them get their class schedules and find their rooms. It was such a blast from the past. I attended this school during my elementary years and it all just rushed back as I walked in the front doors. It even smells the same. My son has his reading class in the same room that I had 5th grade reading in. And my daughter's drama class is on the stage where I took part in many class and school plays (small bit parts, mind you). We walked into the library and the SAME librarian was sitting there that sat there when I was a kid - and she looks pretty much the same almost 30 years later. Crazy!
Anyway, yesterday and today I took the kids to school and just dropped them off. I told my daughter to take her brother to his class and she even picks him up and takes him to his next class. She is quite the mother hen and I know my son is in good hands.
Today I sat and waited in the car until they were allowed in just like yesterday. But today, they started to come back to the car. I ran out to check on them. I knew my son was upset. I was right. I hugged him and prayed with him and he asked me to walk him in. I quickly grabbed his baby brother out of the car and rushed them inside. We walked through the library to his class. His teacher came and still he held my hand. His little lip quivered and it almost looked like he was shaking. It broke my heart. I told his teacher that he was nervous. She told him how good he did yesterday and what they would be doing today. She held out her hand and he bravely took it and walked into the classroom with her.
As I was walking out of the school, I just kept thinking how heartbreaking it is to watch your kids do hard things. Things that you would gladly do for them if you could but you can't. Things that they need to do - to be stronger and more independent, to learn new things and grow, to trust that I know what is best for them even if it isn't fun and might be hard.
As I buckled my baby back in and climbed into my seat, I was still thinking about this and suddenly very clearly God spoke to my soul and said "That's how it is for me, too."
I've been going through some difficult things. Things that make you ask God, "Why? I just don't understand. I don't like this. I don't want to do this anymore." To hear those words was so enlightening. I was able to get a glimpse at the other side - God's side of it. It breaks His heart to see His children have to do hard things and go through scary and uncomfortable situations, too. He isn't punishing us, He just wants what is ultimately best for us. These things we go through make us stronger and help us to learn new things while we grow in Him.
So when our lip quivers and the tears come, it breaks God's heart to see us like that. He doesn't enjoy seeing us scared or nervous or hurting.
Fortunately, unlike us as parents, He is always right by our side. He never leaves us and we don't have to go through anything alone. He may not take it away but we need to trust that He knows what is best for us. He loves us and is always there for us.
I'm hoping that by the end of summer school my little guy will have a smile on his face but quite possibly he will struggle all the way through. I've learned though that it is completely his choice. There is nothing I can do to force him to be happy about it. I can only love him and support him. He must decide how he will deal with each day.
The good news is that summer school will eventually end, it will not go on forever. This is just a season and every season ends. Some seasons are just a few weeks like summer school. Other seasons are months long and others still last for years but each one ends, whether here or in glory. We have the choice of how we'll ride out our storms - with a smile on our face or just struggling through it.
Lord, help me to choose to smile.
