It's A Miracle!

I just have to share this.  This blog has been my chance to share my life and "journey" over the past year.  God has been doing some amazing things and I want to put it all down so 1) I don't forget and 2) I can share it all with you.

I am currently in my 5th pregnancy (if you didn't know).  The previous 3 pregnancies all ended up with the diagnosis of gestational diabetes (GD).

The first was pretty mild.  I was able to control it with my diet alone but I still had to poke my fingers and go to extra appointments.

The second time I had it was a little bit worse but I was able to take an "experimental" medication and control it with that along with my diet.  Adding the medication also added twice weekly non-stress tests on top of poking my poor little fingers.

The third time I had it was by far the worst.  I had to give myself insulin injections in my stomach twice a day along with poking my fingers and visiting the hospital so often I should have had my own parking spot.  It was the most miserable experience of my life.  I had to poke my fingers often all day long.  The injections went against everything inside of me each time I had to give myself one.  Sometimes, I wouldn't feel them; other times they stung like mad.  My dose had to constantly be adjusted (and upped).  My hormones and emotions were out of control.  What was even worse was that after my son was born, it took a very long time to go back to "normal" and wean off of the insulin.  Instead of being all better as soon as the baby was born, I was still dealing with the insanity for weeks after the birth.  It was horrible.

Naturally, when I became pregnant this time I was worried about going through all of that again ... or worse.  When I failed my first 1 hour glucose test at 8 weeks pregnant, I panicked.  I couldn't imagine starting that whole madness so soon.

Thankfully, God is good and I passed the 3 hour test.  I knew I still had one more test to go though. It was always at the back of my mind and worried me more than it should have.

At 24 weeks, I once again took the 1 hour test (I can't even tell you how many gallons of that orange "yuck" I've had to ingest in my life) and failed.  At that point, the nurse said I could just declare myself with GD since I've been down this road before.  I, however, told her I'd rather take the 3 hour test because I wasn't ready to give up the fight.

And fight I did.

I was in such a spiritual battle over this - for weeks, maybe months.  I knew that God is our healer.  I knew that He loves me and wants the best for me.  I knew that GD was nothing He couldn't overcome.  I was trying SO hard to hold on to that.  Then I would hear the annoying whispers and taunts from the enemy telling me I was already defeated and didn't have a chance.

I also struggled with asking God for too much.  I am the type of person that will only ask for the bare minimum of anyone.  I'll decide what I can put up with and then just ask for that.  I rarely go all out and ask for what would make me happiest.  I found myself doing that this time, too.  I would say "Ok, God, I can deal with GD but please don't make me have to go on insulin."  I was totally selling God short and willing to accept second best.  God doesn't want us to have second best, He wants THE BEST for us.

So I asked God for complete healing.  I went all out.

Before the second 1 hour test, I was fairly confident in God's healing power and plan for my life.  After failing that test, I started to let myself give up and give in.  I was experiencing a lot of the classic symptoms I had experienced in the past - mood swings, tiredness, I just felt plain awful.  I pretty much was convinced that I had GD again.  I was giving up, giving in, not trusting that God knew what was going on and had it covered.

This past Sunday, at the end of my rope, I finally gave it ALL over to God.  I told Him that I knew He could heal me and that even if He didn't, it was because He had other plans.  I was really moved during worship and knew no matter what, that I was in God's hands and He knew what was best for me.  I asked God for a miracle and then believed I would see one.  I guess I didn't know exactly what that miracle was going to be but I trusted that it was just what I needed.

After that, I was filled with such peace - a peace that truly passed understanding.  Considering my nature and how uptight I had been about this situation for over 20 weeks, it really was unbelievable that I felt such peace at this time.  I refused to think negatively at all.  I was standing on the promise that God was with me and that He wanted great things for me.  I wanted to be so bold as to say that I knew I was going to be just fine but knew that sometimes that is not what is really best.

I WAS confident in the fact that I KNEW I was in God's hands no matter what happened.

On Wednesday, I went in for my 3 hour test.  I felt such peace - except while drinking the orange "yuck," then I felt nauseous. :)  The 3 hours went fairly quickly.  I worked on my James Bible study workbook and it was probably the best thing to do during that time.  It was all about "considering it joy to go through trials" and "asking God and then not doubting it."  I still did not know what the outcome was going to be but I did know I was going to be ok.

At the end of the 3 hours, I felt amazingly great.  Typically at this point, I am shaking and starving with a headache.  This time I felt like I could take on the world.  I had no symptoms and felt super.  I went for an early birthday lunch with my mom afterward and gulped down my burger like a woman who hadn't eaten for nearly 20 hours but still felt great.  In fact, I felt uncharacteristically great for the rest of the day.  I had been battling daily headaches for weeks and still haven't had one even today.

I missed the nurse's call with the results and had to wait until this morning to hear them.  I still wasn't anxious.  Normally that would have driven me nuts.  I called back this morning and, of course, got her voice mail first. She called back soon after and told me my results.

I DO NOT HAVE GESTATIONAL DIABETES.

My one hour level was slightly elevated but all 3 other levels were normal which means I am just fine.  I told the nurse that it was a miracle but I don't think she really understood where I was coming from and kind of laughed it off.  But it's true.  I really believe I experienced a miracle.

It was so overwhelming to me that I just burst into tears after I hung up the phone, humbled and grateful.  My husband was home and came into the room to find out what was going on.  I told him and he said "you're happy, right?  You aren't upset that you don't have it, are you?"  Oh, if only men could truly understand us women ...

I am happy.  I am overjoyed.  I am humbled.  I am in awe of God's goodness.  I feel free.

I really believe I was healed from GD.  Like I said, I had been experiencing symptoms for close to a month and yesterday I felt amazing.  Not one single symptom.  I just felt different.  Maybe I never had it and the symptoms I felt were just attacks from the enemy to make me doubt.  I don't know.

But I do know that I don't have GD and after having it 3 times before, it is miraculous.  Each pregnancy your chances increase and it typically gets worse each time as well.

I have experienced a miracle - and growth.

² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. ⁶ But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷ That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. ⁸ Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.         James 1:2-8